Thursday, June 17, 2010

Monday, June 14, 2010

What's HOT/What's NOT: The June Revival

In honor of recent nostalgia, I would like to bring back an old regular I used to do for my Myspace blog. Introducing... What's HOT/What's NOT! The title is pretty self-explanatory (a quick listing of what's hot and what's not based on news, pop culture/entertainment, and life itself), but I'm thinking that if you guys enjoy it, I'll make it a monthly regular. Comment below with your thoughts and let me know what's hot/not for you! In the meantime, sit back and let the hotness sink in.

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What's HOT
Wizards who sing and dance.

What's NOT
Vampires who shimmer and sparkle.

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What's HOT
Sitting in your car, turning on the radio, and realizing that you just rocked out to Justin Bieber.

What's NOT
Anything Miley Cyrus has to say.

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What's HOT
Going on road trips with friends.

What's NOT
Being separated from friends for months and miles.

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What's HOT
Being bulletproof.

What's NOT
Pretending that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars.

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What's HOT
The semi-recent opening of Elevation Burger, an all-organic restaurant, in my hometown.

What's NOT
Finding out what they actually put in the fast food we all know and love.

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What's HOT
Cutting costs on a college student's budget, either in stores or online.

What's NOT
The economy.

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What's HOT
The World Cup.

What's NOT
The apparent need for/lack of ear plugs during the World Cup.

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What's HOT
Going to guest lectures and seminars at school to learn about what interests us.

What's NOT
Struggling to stay awake in our 8AM summer classes!

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What's HOT
The release of the first official trailer for Twisted (the latest Disney princess movie based on Rapunzel).

What's NOT
Being the oldest non-parent in the movie theater!

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What's HOT
The self-serve frozen yogurt shoppes that have been popping up over the last year or so.

What's NOT
Taking all the free samples. Seriously, guys? :)

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Monday, June 7, 2010

Breakfast at Tiffany's: Where Do You Belong?

"I don't want to own anything until I know the place where me and things belong together. I'm not quite sure where that is just yet. But I know what it's like... it's like Tiffany's... What I've found does the most good is just to get in a taxi and go to Tiffany's. It calms me down right away, the quietness and proud look of it; nothing very bad could ever happen to you there, not with those kind men in their nice suits... If I could find a real-life place that made me feel like Tiffany's, then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name." - Breakfast at Tiffany's (novel), by Truman Capote

With no classes for the past several weeks, I've finally had some time to crack into my personal summer reading. First on the list was Truman Capote's novella Breakfast at Tiffany's (later made iconic in film by Audrey Hepburn, which I have unfortunately yet to see), but I had no idea that the story would have such an impact on me. After all, it was written before my parents were even born, and its images originally seemed way too glamorous for me to ever relate to.

Then, of course, I opened the book.

For those of you unfamiliar with Breakfast at Tiffany's, it's all about this beautiful but eccentric girl named Holly Golightly who lives in a small apartment above the unnamed narrator who loves her. The novel details their growing friendship, and reveals the secrets of Holly's life before New York (as well as the scandals she involves herself in afterward). Throughout the story, Holly shares many of her own life philosophies, which ultimately provide a deeper insight into who she really is. One of the central conflicts in the book is Holly's search for a place to belong; as much as she loves NYC, she never really considers it home. Because of this, she can never commit to much of anything; it's the very reason why her calling cards say "Traveling" and she never named the cat that lives with her.

Holly's struggle to settle down made me think a lot about my own life and what it means to be "home." Before college, I had lived in my house in South Florida for sixteen years and never questioned my belonging there. I loved my little city and I always knew what was going on; I couldn't imagine leaving it behind, but at least I knew there would always be a place for me.

And yet, a week into my first semester of freshman year, I was already referring to my dorm room as home. In fact, "I'm almost home" now meant that I was approaching my building and scrambling for the keys, not that I was actually driving to my house. Three hours from what was once considered home, I found myself bonding with new people and no longer dependent on others. When I called my family on the phone, I no longer felt as much a part of what was happening in their lives because of the many miles of separation. And when I did return to my house for holidays and breaks, my room no longer felt quite like my room.

So what is "home" for me now? I was born in Illinois and yet I feel no connection to the Prairie State whatsoever. Meanwhile, I lived in my childhood home in Florida full-time for most of my life and it holds many memories, but nowadays, my room feels more like a museum of what my life was than a living space for me now. And I have been an Orlando resident for nearly a year now, but as much as I love the location and the friends I've made, the city separates me from some of the people I love the most. Like a chameleon, I've been able to blend in no matter where I've lived... but at the same time, sometimes I feel like a traitor to the home I've always known.

As college students, I feel like it can be difficult for us to figure out where we do belong, since we're constantly back and forth between our pasts and presents. What I want to know is this: what makes the place we live our home? Is home the place where you have the most friends, or where you spend the most time, or where your family lives, or where you have the most memories? Is it possible to consider more than one place home? How do we know when it's okay to commit to something? 

How do we know where we truly belong?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Beware The Zombie Apocalypse!

If our latest pop culture has taught us anything, it's that stereotypes are meant to be broken... especially in the world of fantasy. Think of the fairy tales we were told and the horror movies we came across (usually against our mothers' wishes) when we were young and you'll know what I mean. For example, witches were always ugly, mean-spirited creatures with personal vendettas against humankind, but ever since the Harry Potter books came out, our vision of wizards and witches has changed radically. We used to fear  Nosferatu and Dracula, but ever since vampires began to sparkle in 2005, girls dream of being swept off their feet by one. The novel and musical Wicked gives a reprieve to Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz, and even Cinderella's ugly stepsisters are redeemed in one novel or another. The point is, our generation loves a good villain-turned-antihero, which is why such books and movies continue to thrive, and our perceptions change over time.

Sadly, in spite of the new Generation Dead series by Daniel Waters, which focuses on teen zombies and their horrible treatment in our world, we still don't have it in us to let go of our grudge against zombies. I'll admit that in the past they were known for eating brains, but surely while everyone else is getting their side of the story told, so too should the "differently biotic" (Waters' politically correct term for zombies). And yet, our schools still host Zombies vs. Humans games and promote these stereotypes! I remember sitting outside before class one time, overhearing a group of kids my age discussing how they would protect themselves in the zombie apocalypse, and one of them actually pulled out a Zombie Survival Guide! I was appalled at the level of prejudice I observed... if people heard about the injustices that the innocent zombies face on a daily basis, maybe they would throw out those survival guides and lend a hand to the pro-zombie movement instead.

When the third book Passing Strange comes out on Tuesday, you'd better believe I'm going to buy it and become more entrenched in the protection and appreciation of the differently biotic. And while you're swooning over Edward Cullen, just think of those perfectly wonderful zombies who need your support.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I Fight With You Because I Love You

Once upon a time, there lived a man and a woman so blinded by their differences in upbringing and opinion that it took them ages to swallow their pride and admit their undying love for one another. Prior to the much-anticipated confession, their courtship consisted mostly of heated arguments, which proved not only that they were both articulate and intelligent, but that they were passionate about the topics they argued. Such a strong display of passion ultimately revealed that the man and woman, although constantly at odds, simply belonged together.


So who are our mystery man and woman? For me, the first couple that comes to mind is Elizabeth Bennett and her unexpected knight in shining armor Mr. Darcy, of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. However, the theme of sparring lovers isn't a new one. We see it in literature: in Shakespeare (Beatrice and Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing), the Bronte sisters (Jane and Rochester of Jane Eyre; Cathy and Heathcliff of Wuthering Heights) and even J.K. Rowling (Harry's parents James and Lily; Hermione and Ron). We see it on TV and in movies too... just think of Katherine Heigl's filmography and you'll know exactly what I mean!


Anyway, I think that a lot of us are drawn to these unlikely relationships when they're done right. I know that I personally rooted for Blair and Chuck on Gossip Girl from the moment they first started scheming together (once I got over the fact that the show wasn't at all canon to the book series), and that You've Got Mail is one of my favorite movies of all time (even if I'm not even remotely a Tom Hanks fan). But don't they ever get to be a bit... cliché?


Confined to my house for the past week or so, I've had some time to really mull this over. After all, my last weekend consisted of Bridget Jones, The Ugly Truth, and The Proposal, all of which contain those adversarial love stories we enjoy so much. The movies are definitely cute -- and there is a huge market for cuteness -- but how realistic are they? Take The Ugly Truth as a prime example. All Katherine Heigl's character even does is argue with Gerard Butler's... even when unprovoked! It's just a movie, sure, but to me her character is borderline rude. She's not meant to be depicted that way, but because she disagrees with Gerard Butler's tactics for handling women, she will constantly put him down even when he's being relatively nice to her, and audiences eat it up because they love the chemistry that such butting of heads inevitably implies. Of course we know that because the characters' viewpoints are so radically different, they are bound to fall in love. It's funny, because if this worked in real life, we'd crazy not to pick fights with our enemies and then pursue them, since according to this law, they are so obviously our soulmates.

As I said before, when done right, these books/shows/movies can really tug at our heartstrings. But honestly, the fact that a story has two romantic leads who seem to hate each other's guts doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be good. It also doesn't mean we should always look to date our polar opposites, either.

In fact, it's okay for us to like our significant others once in a while. :)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Everybody's Changing And I Don't Feel The Same...

"Change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me." - Life as a House

We can't deny it: change is abundant and unavoidable and real. No matter what kind of person you are, your circumstances and experiences will have the power to shape you in some way, even to the smallest degree. And no, you might not recognize those changes right away, but those around you will eventually be able to see the person you are about to become. One day, you too will have that "aha!" moment, when you realize that you are no longer that wide-eyed child or jaded teenager, but in fact someone entirely new. Or, at the very least, that you have deviated somewhat from the person you always thought of as You.

Nelson Mandela once said that when you return to a place unchanged, you begin to see the ways that you yourself have changed. Tonight, when I met up with my friend Kevina for frozen yogurt at one of those new self-serve shops, I realized just how true that was.

The frozen yogurt place was brand new, but the plaza where it was located was not. In fact, it was a place my friends and I frequented throughout high school, one where you could find the hipsters, cheerleaders, and wannabe gangsters all coexisting quite peacefully. Anyway, as I waited outside for Kevina to find parking, I took a look around and was eerily reminded of a not-so-distant time. Gaggles of fifteen-year-old girls being dropped off at the front in their mothers' SUVs. The formerly heartthrob "bad boys" hanging around by the crosswalk, unsure of where to make their next move. The awkward young couples who are still getting used to holding hands. A few kids here and there taking a drag off their cigarettes, trying to look as though they've done it all their lives. And my favorite, the four fashionista Mean Girls who were probably in middle school, texting away on their Blackberries and flipping their hair over their shoulders.

The sights seemed all too familiar to me, but at the same time I felt like a total outsider. And in many ways, I was. I mean, technically it wasn't too long ago that I was in high school and I liked my own bad boy, or that my mother dropped me off outside the Barnes and Noble. But in the one year since I was a part of the whole high school food chain, I realize that my priorities have changed. My mindset is completely different. I'm not the same person. Okay, so I'm a nineteen-year-old girl who still cares about boys and friends and appearances, but if life away from home has taught me anything, it's that I'm more than that.

And I'm happy with who I'm becoming. : )

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

An Elaborate Chase Does Not A Relationship Make

Let me just preface this entry by saying that ultimately, in relationships, we are bound to make our own rules and then break them accordingly. We will continue to hope that we too are the exception to someone else's rule (a-la He's Just Not That Into You), and sometimes we will be. In other words, some of us might actually get the picture perfect romantic movie endings we always dreamed of. Of course, there's a reason we denote those endings as "exceptional," and that's because they don't happen every day -- chances are, when someone is treating you poorly in a relationship, they are not The One and have no real place in your life.

So here's the situation: you've been dating this guy for a long time and you are convinced that he's your perfect fit. You're completely in love with him and you doubt you could ever possibly shake those feelings. However, the two of you have definitely had your fights, and people often question why you are even together (after all, you're always second-guessing yourself when you're with him). Then one day, he really messes things up... and simply talking things through isn't going to repair anything. He goes to great lengths to plead your forgiveness. What do you do now?

a) End the relationship because you know you deserve better.
b) Forgive and forget because he fought for you!
c) Put your hands on his cash and spend it to the last dime for all the hard times. (Thank you, Blu Cantrell!)

Okay, as appealing as c sounds, it's probably illegal - so that option is out. All we have left now are a (the rational, albeit often difficult, response) and b (the one we tend to lean toward). Any apology that seems remotely heartfelt tends to be easily accepted because we think we're about to lose the love of our lives. And we feel as though that person made a distinct effort to chase after us, which is very romantic in movies and television. If you don't believe me, just look at all the fan pages devoted to this on Facebook... for example, one page entitled "when a girl says i'm done, it really means fight for me" has 261,655 fans (and quickly growing... I had to change that number from 261,093 within the last few minutes or so). 

Sadly, when it comes down to it, words are just words, and apologies don't really mean anything (as beautiful as they may sound and as creatively as they may be executed) unless they lead to a definite change. For every time I gave a boy the benefit of the doubt in a situation where he did not deserve it, I was the one who was ultimately disappointed. And why? Because the concept that he was "fighting" for me allowed me to block out every negative quality and made me see this perfect companionship that didn't really exist. Every time that I was proven wrong, I continued to hold on because I thought I feared losing someone who could be perfect for me. In the end, though, I think the thing we fear the most is our own supposed inadequacy -- we don't think we deserve or will ever be able to find something better.

Ultimately, I don't want anyone to fight for me just because it's a challenge or to maintain some kind of consistency. People make mistakes, but an elaborate apology is only appropriate when you're willing to improve the situation for the long-term and prevent the same mistakes from happening again.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

OMG, I'M OBSESSED.


So I'm catching up on my celebrity gossip this morning (as you can tell, I'm a really big advocate of hard-hitting news) when I come across this article about Justin Bieber. For those who haven't heard, the poor kid was stormed by fans at an airport yesterday and in the midst of everything, they knocked over his mother and stole his hat. The crazed fans caused so much chaos that Bieber's security guards urged him to cancel his meet-and-great later that day. Earlier in the week, police had to break things up at one of his shows so that people wouldn't be trampled. And the sad part is, this isn't the first time such a thing has happened... to him or anyone else. 

I am not writing to protect Justin Bieber, because I'm not exactly a part of his sixteen-and-under fan base, but rather to reflect upon the implications of this. It's one thing to respect the singer for his vocal talents, enjoy his music, and even find him attractive (again, if you're part of that sixteen-and-under fan base!), but to group together and charge after him like a herd of buffalo is just ridiculous. What part of that scenario is acceptable in civilized society? At some point, people allow themselves to become completely obsessed with certain celebrities and franchises, and eventually they let that become their excuse when their actions spiral out of control. The "anonymity" of being a Justin Bieber fan, a Jonas Brothers enthusiast, or a Twi-Hard is just enough to cause people to go completely psycho.

Maybe this is just the psychology minor in me speaking, but I often wonder what causes us to reach that level of obsession. When do we cross that fine line between "I read these books because I enjoy them" and "I'm going to stalk Robert Pattinson, make him turn me into a vampire, and move to Forks"? And what causes us to act so differently than we would in our every-day lives?

Just some food for thought. By the way, if you see Justin Bieber around, let him know that I have his hat?

Monday, April 26, 2010

That Is SO Real...


One of my guilty pleasures? America's Next Top Model. I tune in every week, either during its initial broadcast or online, and I catch marathons of the old cycles every so often on VH1 and Oxygen. The runway challenges and photo shoots are usually interesting, but often what makes the show is the behind-the-scenes banter, the in-house drama that divides the contestants and forces them to pick a side. And right in the center of it all is the same dilemma we face during every reality show smackdown, when one contestant begins to question another contestant's "realness." You always have that one upfront, in-your-face girl who calls everything as she sees it, for better or for worse (usually the latter), and her lackeys who revere her for it. Let's call them Group A. Then you have the quieter faction in the house, Group B, whose members badmouth their more abrasive house-mates behind their backs but generally don't go out of the way to confront them unless there is a specific reason to do so. Of course, there may be a few stragglers who lock themselves upstairs and wait for all of this to pass, but for the most part, the house is a war zone. Group A picks fights with Group B, who continues to discuss the fight privately, and when one member of Group A hears this, she claims that at least she's real and that the others are clearly fake. She will take pride in that fact, because being real is obviously, to her, the most important thing you can be.

Sometimes I wonder how this translates to real life. True, there is a bit of disconnect between television and reality (understatement of the year) but surely some of human nature does translate into those 30-minute / hour time slots. Plenty of people I know say that they value honesty above all else, but how true is that? Maybe you want people to be honest with you about the important things, like whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you or whether or not you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life.

But what about the smaller truths? For example, if you get a hideous haircut that you love, do you really want your friends to tell you truthfully that you look like a mushroom? If you run into your friend's ex in the middle of a store, are you really going to go right up and yell in his/her face unprovoked?

Maybe you would. Maybe I'm not confrontational enough, and maybe it is important to stand by your beliefs no matter what. But in my opinion, too much confrontation and "realness" would cause the very fabric of our society to disintegrate as we know it. If we voiced every opinion we ever had and acted upon it, life would be complete chaos.

To me, a little bit of fake is okay when it accompanies a stronger truth. What do you think?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

17 Alternatives To Studying For Finals: The Procrastinator's Guide

It's true: the semester is almost over. But while we have a lot of good to take away from that, we still have one final bump left in the road before we can really sit back and relax... final exams. In a way, the next week will have the power to make or break our academic lives (but no pressure or anything!). Of course we'll have to lock ourselves indoors with our books and flash cards so we can get down to business, but that doesn't always mean that we're being productive, either. In fact, up until college, I was the Queen of Procrastination, and still struggle with that to an extent. So, in honor of the impending doom that is Exams Week, I wanted to post my own guide on how to not study for finals, much of which comes from personal experience. (You can thank me later!)

1. Clean the entire apartment, even though it looks perfectly fine as it is. You never know if you missed a spot.

2. Look up all the Brat Pack movies on YouTube and then relive the 1980's... even though you weren't actually born until 1990.

3. Color coordinate everything in your room except for your lecture notes.

4. Take a midnight trip with friends to Steak & Shake.

5. Check your email at least once every ten minutes. Every five minutes, if possible.

6. Make an online playlist for "power studying" and then use it to throw a dance party.

7. Type in your name on Google or Pipl and find out how many people have your name and are not you.

8. Make lists. Period.

9. Call up a friend and have a wizards' duel.

10. Build a No Boys Allowed fort but then allow everyone inside when you realize at least half of your friends are male.

11. Become a fan of (or "Like") every Facebook fan page that has ever related to your life in any way. Ever.

12. Try on every possible outfit you can. Then try them on with different shoes. Then rearrange your entire closet.

13. Talk to or spend time with the person you like. Even if it isn't for long, it will definitely add to your distraction for a while.

14. Fall into the infinite loop of Lolcats until you find one that's appropriate enough for the situation.

15. Watch clips of The Office pranks after watching the latest episode of The Office.

16. Go on your friends' Formsprings and ask questions that you don't care about the answers to.

17. Post a blog about your own procrastination skills.


Good luck to everyone studying for your final exams!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Freshman 15: What I've Learned

It's that time of the semester again! With a week of exams to tackle, last-minute grades to boost, and vacation plans to finalize, no one can overlook the fact that the year is coming to a close. But for some of us, this marks the end of a very exciting beginning. This time last year, I was scrambling for A.P. tests, shopping for my dorm room, attending pep rallies, and anticipating senior skip days. Now, in April 2010, I'm proud to say I survived my freshman year of college (not without challenges) and I've learned a lot from it... not just about anthropology and public speaking and how to use an oven or washing machine, but about (dare I say it) life.

Yes, I'm turning into one of those corny, semi (maybe a bit pseudo?)-self-actualized college students who thinks she knows everything... all I need to do now is start sleeping by the Reflection Pond of the school and bringing a frisbee with me everywhere I go. Perhaps that isn't exactly what I've become, but the truth is, I can't look at myself today and see the same person I saw in high school anymore. Things have definitely changed - hopefully for the better - and in order to document that, I decided to create my own Freshman 15, a list of the fifteen most important things I learned this year. And so, without further ado...

The Freshman 15

1. A first impression isn't everything.
Okay, so sometimes you do have to stick to your gut. Sometimes you might not like someone right away for a reason, and that's perfectly acceptable. But don't judge a book by its cover -- some of my best friends at school are the people I never thought I would see again, and some of the people I no longer hang out with are the people I thought would be my best friends.

2. Be friendly to everyone.
The first week after move-in is great for meeting people, because everyone is new to the school and looking to find their future best friends and boyfriends/girlfriends. Meet and talk to everyone you can... it really is worth it in the long run!

3. Flexibility is key.
I applied to college with every intention of majoring in Journalism and eventually winning the Pulitzer Prize, but a week into my first semester, I decided that it was no longer my passion. A little soul-searching and a trip to Career Services later, I changed to Advertising/Public Relations, and I couldn't be happier. It's okay if your plans don't unfold as you originally wanted them to; you just have to revise them until you've created something even better.

4. A fever is never really "no big deal."
After battling the flu, two ear infections, and mono in just the fall semester alone, I can honestly say that visiting the health center when you're not feeling like yourself is totally worth it. Living in close quarters with other people means that you're going to get sick, like it or not.

5. Take tons of pictures.
Document everything you can while you're here. It's always fun to look back later!

6. The "walk of shame" is not a myth.
Such a thing is possible no matter how far apart you live, regardless of whether or not anyone actually had sex. Just smile when you run into people and try your best to avoid their questions. :)

7. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
College is the one time where you'll have all these free services at your disposal... so go to the tutoring sessions, have Career Services look over your resume, talk to your advisors when you need advice on course selections, etc. After all, you've technically already paid for it, so you might as well get some use out of it!

8. When in doubt, turn on some Lady Gaga.
Whether you're getting ready to go out, craving a dance party with friends, or just hoping for something to brighten your day, Lady Gaga's your man. Or woman? You decide.

9. Parents aren't total dinosaurs.
The relationship you have with your parents does change when you're living away from home. And since they are no longer nagging you to follow a certain curfew or clean your room, you tend to be treated more like an adult. This makes it a lot easier to talk to them when you need advice or support. The more I talk to my parents, the more I find that they went through the same situations as the ones I am going through now, and they usually have better insight than anyone else.

10. Know who your real friends are.
Your friends aren't the people who leave you sick and stranded outside a club on a Saturday night because the line is too long to sit and wait with you. Your friends are the people who rush over to pick you up and talk you through things... the people who take care of you and bring you milkshakes when you're going through a tough time... the people you can ask the most embarrassing questions and expect the most honest answers from. And they are, perhaps, some of the best people you have ever met.

11. Find a way to de-stress.
It doesn't matter how much you love your classes or how strong your time management skills are... you will still, to some degree, experience stress. A little bit is okay and actually good for you, but when it becomes too overpowering, it's important to have some kind of release. (For example, I try go to yoga classes before I have a big test.)

12. Clubbing is overrated.
Of course this is coming from someone who doesn't like to dance, but the whole "night life" thing isn't all that college is about. It's great if you want your hair and clothes to smell like cigarettes, or if you want to get hit on by drunk older guys who don't care what your name is, but other than that, it usually isn't worth it. In fact, I've had more fun with friends doing completely random, even seemingly mundane things, than I've ever had at a club.

13. Take advantage of opportunities to grow.
If a guest speaker is coming in to talk about something that interests you, go. If the school is giving a workshop on one of your weaknesses, go. If you're in a club that offers some kind of retreat where you can learn more about yourself, go! Do whatever you can to improve on something in your life.

14. The hardest decisions you'll have to make are often the most worth it.
It may hurt at the time, but you'll thank yourself later if you do what you think is right. After all, when one door closes, another one opens.

15. Do what makes you happy.
Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself and keep your best interests at heart. Like Winnie the Pooh once said, "Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday."


What do you guys think? What has college/your freshman year taught you?

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Idealized Version of You


I don't love you. I love the idea of you. Let's face it: if we could admit that to ourselves, we wouldn't have to deal with so many relationship dramas in our lives... we would see past it all and realize why things aren't working out. In reality, though, our logic is often flawed. We look to our friends, our crushes, our significant others, and when they mess things up, we justify their behaviors. Why? Because we really care about them? Sure, that's definitely a contributing factor. Because they're just that good-looking? A little superficiality never hurt anyone (well, maybe that's a bad example!). But I think the real reason why we do this to ourselves is not just because of our love or attraction for the people who hurt us, but because of what our love and attraction have led to... an idealized image of that person, one that can never, ever do wrong.

It really hit home for me when I was having boy issues a long time ago. The relationship was built around a friendship, which was something I had always wanted: a boyfriend who doubled as a best friend. I still maintain that such a relationship appeals to me (after all, my current boyfriend and I were already close friends for months before we started dating), but I learned since then that it's important not to confuse those images with what's really there. Yes, this guy from forever ago was my friend... yes, we had our inside jokes and long talks and chemistry. But when this guy started blowing me off and acting weird around me, I didn't immediately think to myself, What a jerk for treating me like this, he's not worth my time. Instead, I thought about the foundation upon which the relationship was built, and when my other friends told me I was too good for him, I rationalized that he was one of my best friends and that he would never try to hurt me.

Of course, things ultimately went up in flames, and I learned all too quickly that it was never really him that made me happy. It was this built-up image of him that I'd had... this idealized version of this boy who was actually kind of mediocre in every way, but because I liked him he could do no wrong. And I realize now how dangerous that really is, because truthfully, everyone is flawed. And everyone is capable of hurting someone else... even on purpose.

The point is, we do this to ourselves all the time. We idealize the ones we care about - not just our significant others, but our friends as well. It is so important to distinguish the real person from the paper person (the idea), because when we keep making these mistakes, we allow ourselves to be treated unfairly without consequence. We need to know that when someone wrongs us, it's okay to be upset. And when someone continues to hurt us, it's okay to decide that we deserve better.

Images are great when it comes to advertisements and art, but what happens when they leak into our lives?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Okay, It's Symbolic. And Your Point...?


Before my drive home for the weekend, I promised a friend I'd bring back my copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray for him to read. Always true to my word (or at least when it involves books), I packed the "distinctively dazzling" novel with my belongings this morning as I left for the return trip to school. Of course, one glance at the cover brought me straight back to my high school English class, in which I had to read the book and analyze its religious and mythological subtexts and allusions. That's how I learned that Dorian represents Narcissus of ancient Greek fame, and his beloved Sybil Vane shares a fate with the nymph Echo. (If you aren't familiar with either story, don't worry about it... but if you need to catch up on your Greek mythology, you can read Echo's story here. Warning: Spoiler Alert!) It's also how I found out that the opening scene is reminiscent of the Garden of Eden, and that Dorian's plea for eternal youth is reminiscent of the Faustian bargain, et cetera.

Anyway, it was all a bunch of crap... because as important as those allusions are to a "richer" understanding of the book, they didn't necessarily contribute to my enjoyment of the piece. Even if I hadn't done all the research I did for that assignment, I still would have been just as entertained and terrified by the events of the book.

This isn't to say that those allusions aren't important in the grand scheme of life, and that all symbolism should be totally thrown to the wayside. Obviously these things are powerful when done well (and Oscar Wilde does them very well), but English teachers focus so intently on those smaller elements of the story that they fail to recognize the bigger picture. Many writers do write so that their messages can be heard by readers of many levels, not just by people with Doctorates, so it saddens me when other students read the classics and hate them on principle, because they were forced to deconstruct them to such a degree that reading was no longer fun.

Yes, allusions are important. Yes, sounds and symbols and subtexts are important. Yes, figurative language is important. But so is literal language. So are witty dialogues. So are compelling plotlines that keep us turning the pages. So are the protagonists we relate to and root for, and the antagonists we can't stand and root against. If you read the book and it made you feel something, positive or negative, then you have reacted in the way that the author intended.

It doesn't matter how "sophisticated" your reading of the piece was. All that matters is that you kept an open mind (figuratively and not literally).

Friday, April 9, 2010

Why Relationships and Romantic Comedies Shouldn't Mix



For years, it’s been the same old story. Guy and Girl meet, exchange witty banter, and realize they share some kind of strong connection, which can go one of two ways: either they will acknowledge a mutual attraction right away, or each will claim to find the other insufferable (even though the audience equates their dislike for one another with sexual tension). Guy and Girl hit a few bumps in the road, until one does something that the other finds inexcusable, but in the end, he or she will make it up to the other one with some grand gesture, all culminating in a big speech. “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible,” Harry tells Sally on New Year’s. “I believed in you. I just didn’t believe in me,” Blane says to Andie in Pretty in Pink. And who can forget Kat’s tearful reading of her poem in 10 Things I Hate About You, when she tells Heath Ledger’s character that, “I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all”?

The speech always does it. Because no matter what one character has done to the other - no matter what they’ve been through - as long as his or her heart is in the right place, then things will be okay in the end. We root for them to end up together because that’s exactly what we want for ourselves. We want the people who have hurt us most to realize their mistakes and come crawling back to us, bouquet of roses in hand, with an elaborate apology and passionate plea for forgiveness. And we want to forgive them. After all, Sally forgives Harry for his indiscretions, and just months later they are happily married.

The sad part is that although so many of us look to these romantic comedies for insight into our own love lives, the movies themselves can actually be a poison. Because the characters are falling in love while screwing each other over, we think that everybody who does this to us in real life is eventually going to make things right. The movies are pure fiction, made for our entertainment, but we treat them as a how-to guide for relationships, and then we wonder why we keep getting hurt.

This isn’t to say that people don’t change for the better, or that people don’t learn from their mistakes. Some of them do, and it’s important to recognize when that happens. But we have to separate our lives from the Hollywood endings we crave, because the guy who took that bet to turn you into the prom queen isn’t always going to fall madly in love with you. The journalist who dated you for an article on what not to do in a relationship isn’t necessarily going to quit her job to protect your integrity. And the person you cared about that was always sort of ambivalent about commitment probably isn’t going to suddenly change his/her mind and focus on being with only you.

It’s okay to give second chances, but when fact starts to blend in with fiction, it’s time to press “stop” and move on to something new.

An Idea That Everybody Likes

"A paper town for a paper girl… The truth is that whenever I went to the top of the SunTrust Building - including that last time with you - I didn’t really look down and think about how everything was made of paper. I looked down and thought about how I was made of paper. I was the flimsy-foldable person, not everyone else. And here’s the thing about it. People love the idea of a paper girl. They always have… Because it’s kind of great, being an idea that everybody likes. But I could never be the idea to myself, not all the way. And Agloe is a place where a paper creation became real. A dot on the map became a real place, more real than the people who created the dot could ever have imagined. I thought maybe the paper cutout of a girl could start becoming real here also. And it seemed like a way to tell that paper girl who cared about popularity and clothes and everything else: ‘You are going to the paper towns. And you are never coming back.’"
-- Paper Towns by John Green