An Elaborate Chase Does Not A Relationship Make

Let me just preface this entry by saying that ultimately, in relationships, we are bound to make our own rules and then break them accordingly. We will continue to hope that we too are the exception to someone else's rule (a-la He's Just Not That Into You), and sometimes we will be. In other words, some of us might actually get the picture perfect romantic movie endings we always dreamed of. Of course, there's a reason we denote those endings as "exceptional," and that's because they don't happen every day -- chances are, when someone is treating you poorly in a relationship, they are not The One and have no real place in your life.

So here's the situation: you've been dating this guy for a long time and you are convinced that he's your perfect fit. You're completely in love with him and you doubt you could ever possibly shake those feelings. However, the two of you have definitely had your fights, and people often question why you are even together (after all, you're always second-guessing yourself when you're with him). Then one day, he really messes things up... and simply talking things through isn't going to repair anything. He goes to great lengths to plead your forgiveness. What do you do now?

a) End the relationship because you know you deserve better.

b) Forgive and forget because he fought for you!

c) Put your hands on his cash and spend it to the last dime for all the hard times. (Thank you, Blu Cantrell!)

Okay, as appealing as c sounds, it's probably illegal - so that option is out. All we have left now are a (the rational, albeit often difficult, response) and b (the one we tend to lean toward). Any apology that seems remotely heartfelt tends to be easily accepted because we think we're about to lose the love of our lives. And we feel as though that person made a distinct effort to chase after us, which is very romantic in movies and television. If you don't believe me, just look at all the fan pages devoted to this on Facebook... for example, one page entitled "when a girl says i'm done, it really means fight for me" has 261,655 fans (and quickly growing... I had to change that number from 261,093 within the last few minutes or so). 

Sadly, when it comes down to it, words are just words, and apologies don't really mean anything (as beautiful as they may sound and as creatively as they may be executed) unless they lead to a definite change. For every time I gave a boy the benefit of the doubt in a situation where he did not deserve it, I was the one who was ultimately disappointed. And why? Because the concept that he was "fighting" for me allowed me to block out every negative quality and made me see this perfect companionship that didn't really exist. Every time that I was proven wrong, I continued to hold on because I thought I feared losing someone who could be perfect for me. In the end, though, I think the thing we fear the most is our own supposed inadequacy -- we don't think we deserve or will ever be able to find something better.

Ultimately, I don't want anyone to fight for me just because it's a challenge or to maintain some kind of consistency. People make mistakes, but an elaborate apology is only appropriate when you're willing to improve the situation for the long-term and prevent the same mistakes from happening again.

That Is SO Real...

One of my guilty pleasures? America's Next Top Model. I tune in every week, either during its initial broadcast or online, and I catch marathons of the old cycles every so often on VH1 and Oxygen. The runway challenges and photo shoots are usually interesting, but often what makes the show is the behind-the-scenes banter, the in-house drama that divides the contestants and forces them to pick a side. And right in the center of it all is the same dilemma we face during every reality show smackdown, when one contestant begins to question another contestant's "realness." You always have that one upfront, in-your-face girl who calls everything as she sees it, for better or for worse (usually the latter), and her lackeys who revere her for it. Let's call them Group A. Then you have the quieter faction in the house, Group B, whose members badmouth their more abrasive house-mates behind their backs but generally don't go out of the way to confront them unless there is a specific reason to do so. Of course, there may be a few stragglers who lock themselves upstairs and wait for all of this to pass, but for the most part, the house is a war zone. Group A picks fights with Group B, who continues to discuss the fight privately, and when one member of Group A hears this, she claims that at least she's real and that the others are clearly fake. She will take pride in that fact, because being real is obviously, to her, the most important thing you can be.

Sometimes I wonder how this translates to real life. True, there is a bit of disconnect between television and reality (understatement of the year) but surely some of human nature does translate into those 30-minute / hour time slots. Plenty of people I know say that they value honesty above all else, but how true is that? Maybe you want people to be honest with you about the important things, like whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you or whether or not you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life.

But what about the smaller truths? For example, if you get a hideous haircut that you love, do you really want your friends to tell you truthfully that you look like a mushroom? If you run into your friend's ex in the middle of a store, are you really going to go right up and yell in his/her face unprovoked?

Maybe you would. Maybe I'm not confrontational enough, and maybe it is important to stand by your beliefs no matter what. But in my opinion, too much confrontation and "realness" would cause the very fabric of our society to disintegrate as we know it. If we voiced every opinion we ever had and acted upon it, life would be complete chaos.

To me, a little bit of fake is okay when it accompanies a stronger truth. What do you think?