Thursday, April 29, 2010

OMG, I'M OBSESSED.


So I'm catching up on my celebrity gossip this morning (as you can tell, I'm a really big advocate of hard-hitting news) when I come across this article about Justin Bieber. For those who haven't heard, the poor kid was stormed by fans at an airport yesterday and in the midst of everything, they knocked over his mother and stole his hat. The crazed fans caused so much chaos that Bieber's security guards urged him to cancel his meet-and-great later that day. Earlier in the week, police had to break things up at one of his shows so that people wouldn't be trampled. And the sad part is, this isn't the first time such a thing has happened... to him or anyone else. 

I am not writing to protect Justin Bieber, because I'm not exactly a part of his sixteen-and-under fan base, but rather to reflect upon the implications of this. It's one thing to respect the singer for his vocal talents, enjoy his music, and even find him attractive (again, if you're part of that sixteen-and-under fan base!), but to group together and charge after him like a herd of buffalo is just ridiculous. What part of that scenario is acceptable in civilized society? At some point, people allow themselves to become completely obsessed with certain celebrities and franchises, and eventually they let that become their excuse when their actions spiral out of control. The "anonymity" of being a Justin Bieber fan, a Jonas Brothers enthusiast, or a Twi-Hard is just enough to cause people to go completely psycho.

Maybe this is just the psychology minor in me speaking, but I often wonder what causes us to reach that level of obsession. When do we cross that fine line between "I read these books because I enjoy them" and "I'm going to stalk Robert Pattinson, make him turn me into a vampire, and move to Forks"? And what causes us to act so differently than we would in our every-day lives?

Just some food for thought. By the way, if you see Justin Bieber around, let him know that I have his hat?

Monday, April 26, 2010

That Is SO Real...


One of my guilty pleasures? America's Next Top Model. I tune in every week, either during its initial broadcast or online, and I catch marathons of the old cycles every so often on VH1 and Oxygen. The runway challenges and photo shoots are usually interesting, but often what makes the show is the behind-the-scenes banter, the in-house drama that divides the contestants and forces them to pick a side. And right in the center of it all is the same dilemma we face during every reality show smackdown, when one contestant begins to question another contestant's "realness." You always have that one upfront, in-your-face girl who calls everything as she sees it, for better or for worse (usually the latter), and her lackeys who revere her for it. Let's call them Group A. Then you have the quieter faction in the house, Group B, whose members badmouth their more abrasive house-mates behind their backs but generally don't go out of the way to confront them unless there is a specific reason to do so. Of course, there may be a few stragglers who lock themselves upstairs and wait for all of this to pass, but for the most part, the house is a war zone. Group A picks fights with Group B, who continues to discuss the fight privately, and when one member of Group A hears this, she claims that at least she's real and that the others are clearly fake. She will take pride in that fact, because being real is obviously, to her, the most important thing you can be.

Sometimes I wonder how this translates to real life. True, there is a bit of disconnect between television and reality (understatement of the year) but surely some of human nature does translate into those 30-minute / hour time slots. Plenty of people I know say that they value honesty above all else, but how true is that? Maybe you want people to be honest with you about the important things, like whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you or whether or not you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life.

But what about the smaller truths? For example, if you get a hideous haircut that you love, do you really want your friends to tell you truthfully that you look like a mushroom? If you run into your friend's ex in the middle of a store, are you really going to go right up and yell in his/her face unprovoked?

Maybe you would. Maybe I'm not confrontational enough, and maybe it is important to stand by your beliefs no matter what. But in my opinion, too much confrontation and "realness" would cause the very fabric of our society to disintegrate as we know it. If we voiced every opinion we ever had and acted upon it, life would be complete chaos.

To me, a little bit of fake is okay when it accompanies a stronger truth. What do you think?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

17 Alternatives To Studying For Finals: The Procrastinator's Guide

It's true: the semester is almost over. But while we have a lot of good to take away from that, we still have one final bump left in the road before we can really sit back and relax... final exams. In a way, the next week will have the power to make or break our academic lives (but no pressure or anything!). Of course we'll have to lock ourselves indoors with our books and flash cards so we can get down to business, but that doesn't always mean that we're being productive, either. In fact, up until college, I was the Queen of Procrastination, and still struggle with that to an extent. So, in honor of the impending doom that is Exams Week, I wanted to post my own guide on how to not study for finals, much of which comes from personal experience. (You can thank me later!)

1. Clean the entire apartment, even though it looks perfectly fine as it is. You never know if you missed a spot.

2. Look up all the Brat Pack movies on YouTube and then relive the 1980's... even though you weren't actually born until 1990.

3. Color coordinate everything in your room except for your lecture notes.

4. Take a midnight trip with friends to Steak & Shake.

5. Check your email at least once every ten minutes. Every five minutes, if possible.

6. Make an online playlist for "power studying" and then use it to throw a dance party.

7. Type in your name on Google or Pipl and find out how many people have your name and are not you.

8. Make lists. Period.

9. Call up a friend and have a wizards' duel.

10. Build a No Boys Allowed fort but then allow everyone inside when you realize at least half of your friends are male.

11. Become a fan of (or "Like") every Facebook fan page that has ever related to your life in any way. Ever.

12. Try on every possible outfit you can. Then try them on with different shoes. Then rearrange your entire closet.

13. Talk to or spend time with the person you like. Even if it isn't for long, it will definitely add to your distraction for a while.

14. Fall into the infinite loop of Lolcats until you find one that's appropriate enough for the situation.

15. Watch clips of The Office pranks after watching the latest episode of The Office.

16. Go on your friends' Formsprings and ask questions that you don't care about the answers to.

17. Post a blog about your own procrastination skills.


Good luck to everyone studying for your final exams!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Freshman 15: What I've Learned

It's that time of the semester again! With a week of exams to tackle, last-minute grades to boost, and vacation plans to finalize, no one can overlook the fact that the year is coming to a close. But for some of us, this marks the end of a very exciting beginning. This time last year, I was scrambling for A.P. tests, shopping for my dorm room, attending pep rallies, and anticipating senior skip days. Now, in April 2010, I'm proud to say I survived my freshman year of college (not without challenges) and I've learned a lot from it... not just about anthropology and public speaking and how to use an oven or washing machine, but about (dare I say it) life.

Yes, I'm turning into one of those corny, semi (maybe a bit pseudo?)-self-actualized college students who thinks she knows everything... all I need to do now is start sleeping by the Reflection Pond of the school and bringing a frisbee with me everywhere I go. Perhaps that isn't exactly what I've become, but the truth is, I can't look at myself today and see the same person I saw in high school anymore. Things have definitely changed - hopefully for the better - and in order to document that, I decided to create my own Freshman 15, a list of the fifteen most important things I learned this year. And so, without further ado...

The Freshman 15

1. A first impression isn't everything.
Okay, so sometimes you do have to stick to your gut. Sometimes you might not like someone right away for a reason, and that's perfectly acceptable. But don't judge a book by its cover -- some of my best friends at school are the people I never thought I would see again, and some of the people I no longer hang out with are the people I thought would be my best friends.

2. Be friendly to everyone.
The first week after move-in is great for meeting people, because everyone is new to the school and looking to find their future best friends and boyfriends/girlfriends. Meet and talk to everyone you can... it really is worth it in the long run!

3. Flexibility is key.
I applied to college with every intention of majoring in Journalism and eventually winning the Pulitzer Prize, but a week into my first semester, I decided that it was no longer my passion. A little soul-searching and a trip to Career Services later, I changed to Advertising/Public Relations, and I couldn't be happier. It's okay if your plans don't unfold as you originally wanted them to; you just have to revise them until you've created something even better.

4. A fever is never really "no big deal."
After battling the flu, two ear infections, and mono in just the fall semester alone, I can honestly say that visiting the health center when you're not feeling like yourself is totally worth it. Living in close quarters with other people means that you're going to get sick, like it or not.

5. Take tons of pictures.
Document everything you can while you're here. It's always fun to look back later!

6. The "walk of shame" is not a myth.
Such a thing is possible no matter how far apart you live, regardless of whether or not anyone actually had sex. Just smile when you run into people and try your best to avoid their questions. :)

7. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
College is the one time where you'll have all these free services at your disposal... so go to the tutoring sessions, have Career Services look over your resume, talk to your advisors when you need advice on course selections, etc. After all, you've technically already paid for it, so you might as well get some use out of it!

8. When in doubt, turn on some Lady Gaga.
Whether you're getting ready to go out, craving a dance party with friends, or just hoping for something to brighten your day, Lady Gaga's your man. Or woman? You decide.

9. Parents aren't total dinosaurs.
The relationship you have with your parents does change when you're living away from home. And since they are no longer nagging you to follow a certain curfew or clean your room, you tend to be treated more like an adult. This makes it a lot easier to talk to them when you need advice or support. The more I talk to my parents, the more I find that they went through the same situations as the ones I am going through now, and they usually have better insight than anyone else.

10. Know who your real friends are.
Your friends aren't the people who leave you sick and stranded outside a club on a Saturday night because the line is too long to sit and wait with you. Your friends are the people who rush over to pick you up and talk you through things... the people who take care of you and bring you milkshakes when you're going through a tough time... the people you can ask the most embarrassing questions and expect the most honest answers from. And they are, perhaps, some of the best people you have ever met.

11. Find a way to de-stress.
It doesn't matter how much you love your classes or how strong your time management skills are... you will still, to some degree, experience stress. A little bit is okay and actually good for you, but when it becomes too overpowering, it's important to have some kind of release. (For example, I try go to yoga classes before I have a big test.)

12. Clubbing is overrated.
Of course this is coming from someone who doesn't like to dance, but the whole "night life" thing isn't all that college is about. It's great if you want your hair and clothes to smell like cigarettes, or if you want to get hit on by drunk older guys who don't care what your name is, but other than that, it usually isn't worth it. In fact, I've had more fun with friends doing completely random, even seemingly mundane things, than I've ever had at a club.

13. Take advantage of opportunities to grow.
If a guest speaker is coming in to talk about something that interests you, go. If the school is giving a workshop on one of your weaknesses, go. If you're in a club that offers some kind of retreat where you can learn more about yourself, go! Do whatever you can to improve on something in your life.

14. The hardest decisions you'll have to make are often the most worth it.
It may hurt at the time, but you'll thank yourself later if you do what you think is right. After all, when one door closes, another one opens.

15. Do what makes you happy.
Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself and keep your best interests at heart. Like Winnie the Pooh once said, "Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday."


What do you guys think? What has college/your freshman year taught you?

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Idealized Version of You


I don't love you. I love the idea of you. Let's face it: if we could admit that to ourselves, we wouldn't have to deal with so many relationship dramas in our lives... we would see past it all and realize why things aren't working out. In reality, though, our logic is often flawed. We look to our friends, our crushes, our significant others, and when they mess things up, we justify their behaviors. Why? Because we really care about them? Sure, that's definitely a contributing factor. Because they're just that good-looking? A little superficiality never hurt anyone (well, maybe that's a bad example!). But I think the real reason why we do this to ourselves is not just because of our love or attraction for the people who hurt us, but because of what our love and attraction have led to... an idealized image of that person, one that can never, ever do wrong.

It really hit home for me when I was having boy issues a long time ago. The relationship was built around a friendship, which was something I had always wanted: a boyfriend who doubled as a best friend. I still maintain that such a relationship appeals to me (after all, my current boyfriend and I were already close friends for months before we started dating), but I learned since then that it's important not to confuse those images with what's really there. Yes, this guy from forever ago was my friend... yes, we had our inside jokes and long talks and chemistry. But when this guy started blowing me off and acting weird around me, I didn't immediately think to myself, What a jerk for treating me like this, he's not worth my time. Instead, I thought about the foundation upon which the relationship was built, and when my other friends told me I was too good for him, I rationalized that he was one of my best friends and that he would never try to hurt me.

Of course, things ultimately went up in flames, and I learned all too quickly that it was never really him that made me happy. It was this built-up image of him that I'd had... this idealized version of this boy who was actually kind of mediocre in every way, but because I liked him he could do no wrong. And I realize now how dangerous that really is, because truthfully, everyone is flawed. And everyone is capable of hurting someone else... even on purpose.

The point is, we do this to ourselves all the time. We idealize the ones we care about - not just our significant others, but our friends as well. It is so important to distinguish the real person from the paper person (the idea), because when we keep making these mistakes, we allow ourselves to be treated unfairly without consequence. We need to know that when someone wrongs us, it's okay to be upset. And when someone continues to hurt us, it's okay to decide that we deserve better.

Images are great when it comes to advertisements and art, but what happens when they leak into our lives?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Okay, It's Symbolic. And Your Point...?


Before my drive home for the weekend, I promised a friend I'd bring back my copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray for him to read. Always true to my word (or at least when it involves books), I packed the "distinctively dazzling" novel with my belongings this morning as I left for the return trip to school. Of course, one glance at the cover brought me straight back to my high school English class, in which I had to read the book and analyze its religious and mythological subtexts and allusions. That's how I learned that Dorian represents Narcissus of ancient Greek fame, and his beloved Sybil Vane shares a fate with the nymph Echo. (If you aren't familiar with either story, don't worry about it... but if you need to catch up on your Greek mythology, you can read Echo's story here. Warning: Spoiler Alert!) It's also how I found out that the opening scene is reminiscent of the Garden of Eden, and that Dorian's plea for eternal youth is reminiscent of the Faustian bargain, et cetera.

Anyway, it was all a bunch of crap... because as important as those allusions are to a "richer" understanding of the book, they didn't necessarily contribute to my enjoyment of the piece. Even if I hadn't done all the research I did for that assignment, I still would have been just as entertained and terrified by the events of the book.

This isn't to say that those allusions aren't important in the grand scheme of life, and that all symbolism should be totally thrown to the wayside. Obviously these things are powerful when done well (and Oscar Wilde does them very well), but English teachers focus so intently on those smaller elements of the story that they fail to recognize the bigger picture. Many writers do write so that their messages can be heard by readers of many levels, not just by people with Doctorates, so it saddens me when other students read the classics and hate them on principle, because they were forced to deconstruct them to such a degree that reading was no longer fun.

Yes, allusions are important. Yes, sounds and symbols and subtexts are important. Yes, figurative language is important. But so is literal language. So are witty dialogues. So are compelling plotlines that keep us turning the pages. So are the protagonists we relate to and root for, and the antagonists we can't stand and root against. If you read the book and it made you feel something, positive or negative, then you have reacted in the way that the author intended.

It doesn't matter how "sophisticated" your reading of the piece was. All that matters is that you kept an open mind (figuratively and not literally).

Friday, April 9, 2010

Why Relationships and Romantic Comedies Shouldn't Mix



For years, it’s been the same old story. Guy and Girl meet, exchange witty banter, and realize they share some kind of strong connection, which can go one of two ways: either they will acknowledge a mutual attraction right away, or each will claim to find the other insufferable (even though the audience equates their dislike for one another with sexual tension). Guy and Girl hit a few bumps in the road, until one does something that the other finds inexcusable, but in the end, he or she will make it up to the other one with some grand gesture, all culminating in a big speech. “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible,” Harry tells Sally on New Year’s. “I believed in you. I just didn’t believe in me,” Blane says to Andie in Pretty in Pink. And who can forget Kat’s tearful reading of her poem in 10 Things I Hate About You, when she tells Heath Ledger’s character that, “I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all”?

The speech always does it. Because no matter what one character has done to the other - no matter what they’ve been through - as long as his or her heart is in the right place, then things will be okay in the end. We root for them to end up together because that’s exactly what we want for ourselves. We want the people who have hurt us most to realize their mistakes and come crawling back to us, bouquet of roses in hand, with an elaborate apology and passionate plea for forgiveness. And we want to forgive them. After all, Sally forgives Harry for his indiscretions, and just months later they are happily married.

The sad part is that although so many of us look to these romantic comedies for insight into our own love lives, the movies themselves can actually be a poison. Because the characters are falling in love while screwing each other over, we think that everybody who does this to us in real life is eventually going to make things right. The movies are pure fiction, made for our entertainment, but we treat them as a how-to guide for relationships, and then we wonder why we keep getting hurt.

This isn’t to say that people don’t change for the better, or that people don’t learn from their mistakes. Some of them do, and it’s important to recognize when that happens. But we have to separate our lives from the Hollywood endings we crave, because the guy who took that bet to turn you into the prom queen isn’t always going to fall madly in love with you. The journalist who dated you for an article on what not to do in a relationship isn’t necessarily going to quit her job to protect your integrity. And the person you cared about that was always sort of ambivalent about commitment probably isn’t going to suddenly change his/her mind and focus on being with only you.

It’s okay to give second chances, but when fact starts to blend in with fiction, it’s time to press “stop” and move on to something new.

An Idea That Everybody Likes

"A paper town for a paper girl… The truth is that whenever I went to the top of the SunTrust Building - including that last time with you - I didn’t really look down and think about how everything was made of paper. I looked down and thought about how I was made of paper. I was the flimsy-foldable person, not everyone else. And here’s the thing about it. People love the idea of a paper girl. They always have… Because it’s kind of great, being an idea that everybody likes. But I could never be the idea to myself, not all the way. And Agloe is a place where a paper creation became real. A dot on the map became a real place, more real than the people who created the dot could ever have imagined. I thought maybe the paper cutout of a girl could start becoming real here also. And it seemed like a way to tell that paper girl who cared about popularity and clothes and everything else: ‘You are going to the paper towns. And you are never coming back.’"
-- Paper Towns by John Green